It's finally time for a change.

Finally.

I'm moving on. New xanga. Check your subscriptions. If you don't see it on there in a week and want to be part of it, leave a Comment here and I'll add you.

PS- it's going to look the same, i can't find another good skin

love . x . love

So i just got back from Minnesota. My picture finalists will be up tomorrow, I'm not in the mood to mess with them tonight.

The song playing when you first come to my xanga is called "Sympathy". It's by the Goo Goo Dolls. I also fixed it so you can stop this one and play any of the others on my playlist. It's my song; nothing has ever connected with me the way this song has.

After going to the Mall Of America and facing all the girls and models and plastic figurines of the shape I want to be, I've come to some conclusions. The big one is that I need to get comfortable in my skin, and I need to learn that I can be pretty no matter how much I weigh. But it's still disheartening, to walk around the mall by myself for three hours and only get a pair of shoes. (but, the shoes are freaking awesome.).... I don't know. I think that right now is my time to relax, take a chill pill, and really evaluate what I'm becoming and what I want to be.

I've been having weird dreams. Dreams that would make a stranger think that I'm a whore, dreams that make me confused about friendships I thought existed. Right now I only really have two people that I know are here, and those two know who you are.

You know what I want?
           First, I want to know why I feel the need to put up a xanga post that incriminates me for who I am
           And second, I want to be beautiful.
           I mean beautiful that I can see. Because I see no beauty within myself right now.

I'm looking for me. Hopefully I'll find her before school starts, otherwise I'll have to be "Liz the hooker" again. She got a lot of compliments.

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I've been so caught up in something that I didn't realize that I was being bothered by it. After two nights of conversation about it, I've realized some things. I've come to terms with what happened, what it means for me, and what I want for closure.

I feel a little bit better.

PS- I picked this picture because the rest looked ridiculous small. If I can figure out how to make them bigger, #1 is the one everyone wanted most.

Things I am in love with right now:

-The weather today, holy crap it's freaking awesome!!!
-The really old Matchbox 20 CD, "Yourself Or Someone Like You"
-The smell of spring. Oh, and the smell of rain, but it doesn't smell like rain outside.
-Forensics tournaments like yesterday that make me feel so happy and so accepted. I heart all of you (especially you, CK)
-Being able to look back on our "squad portraits" from yesterday and being able to laugh just as hard as I did yesterday
-This feeling, like everything is perfect

All these places feel like home.

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Haha, watch me try really really hard not to get mad.

It's been the weirdest day ever. I've been happy, with random, 5 minute crying sprees once every three hours. Bleh. I am so weird. lol.

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New picture. It's called "ghetto". You'll see some other faces on Lizzie's xanga soon. Do you like it, or should i go back to the old one?

-----------------------------------------------last one, i promise

Conversations that made me laugh:

Mike: Listen to this!
Me: It's nice. I've heard this before.
Me: Mike? Mike.
Mike: Shh, I'm basking in the moment.
Me: .....

[Yes, I did, Mike.]

Mike: Anger, like sheep on a rampage

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time:

Mike: You know those ads at the top of the page, like ' You can win a thousand dollars if you shoot Santa in the face'?
(The rest of it made no sense, but he said that and I laughed so hard

Mike and I, on the phone, are the coolest people ever. (in the entire world. Ever. haha)... especially our really cool random noises.

Then theres a switch that gets hit

And it all stops making sense

And in the middle of drinks [maybe the fifth or the sixth]

I'm completely alone at a table of friends

I feel nothing for them

Bright eyes. It's all that I need right now.

You want fun?

Try going out with your boyfriend to Red Robin. All goes well until you pull out, when he idles his way over a deep curb in front of three cars full of people, having to 4-wheel-drive it out, all while you are laughing at the expressions on the faces of the passengers in the car watching you.

(then try going to the movies and seeing something that's already gotten its start with the boy sitting next to you)

Then try seeing Drew and Bretton and Clay [and an unhappy David].

Then go to Sonic and see a bunch of kids from your school that don't recognize you.

Then pull into the park in my neighborhood and get out to see the ducks. Then, when you get back in to eat your milkshake recently purchaised from Sonic, watch a strange white SUV with a cage attatched to the front of the car circle the parking lot three times.

Then, try driving around the neighborhood in a crazy way and watch the car follow you. Then go down 159th, in a huge square, and end up having the car find you again.

Don't the best dates always end in stalkers? "Hi, dad, I can't be home on time. Yeah, someone's stalking us and I don't want him to know where I live."

Best."valentines".celebration.ever.

                                     [P.S.~ "This is me watching debate". heart.]

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I had to take off the Frou Frou automatic play; it disabled all the other songs